Some people don’t understand how a grown man can look so forwards to a game.  Well, if you don’t get it, you don’t get it. 

At least I didn’t skip work for the Halo 3 launch

PS: There’s a wicked deal at dell.ca’s Small Business site for "Viva Pinata" and "Perfect Dark", they are $4 each, with free shipping.. together, they cast $9.12 (tax in)… I also threw in a play & charge kit…

PS: in case the creepy Japanese pillow wasn’t ban enough.. here’s more Japanese creepiness from Kotaku: How Haruhi Was Wrapped In Porn Plastic (NSFW - well, sort-of).

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So my first impressions I’ll keep short… The game is fun, goofy, a bit too cartoon-ish, but fun.  The storyline is average, a little weak in places, but again fun.  I’m thinking the art director for Dragon Warrior 8 worked on this game extensively, there are blatant rip offs of characters (models) and textures, etc.  I’ll put more about that in my full review, coming soon.

I’ve already made a number of notes and an outline.  So it shouldn’t take too much effort to write it up when I’m done.

Okay.. now on to the creep Japanese pillows:

I kid you not… This is a "child sized" pillow, sporting a character from the game "Doki Doki Majo Shinpan!", who besides the well developed breasts, looks a little too child like for my comfort. 

The game the character is from, is creepy in itself.. your objective is "…to locate a witch that has snuck into [your] school. In order to find the witch [you] must search the suspects’ bodies for a "witch mark". The preferred method is by using touch…".

To be fair, this is likely not representative of all or even a majority of the Japanese public’s tastes, but it is still creepy.  Read the comments in the Kotaku article to get even more creeped out.

Kotaku.com article: Child-Sized Doki Doki Pillow

PS: I forgot to "publish" this yesterday… oops…

Update: According to the Wikipedia Article on Blue Dragon: "The game features art from Akira Toriyama, the creator of Dragon Ball and visual, character and monster designer and illustrator of Dragon Quest." 

So I was right, except I know some of the character art is used in both games.  If my PS2 wasn’t fried, I’d take a couple of screen caps to prove it.

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This review is LONG, which is why at the beginning, there is an "Executive Summary".  The Final thoughts (Jerry’s moment), and rating are at the end.  Though I do encourage you to read it through, mainly because I spent the time writing it.  There should be no spoilers (or at least none that give anything away other than my thoughts on controls etc).

Executive Summary

Overall, Two Worlds is an ok game.  Not a great game by any standards.  The Graphics are good, the game is a fair size, there are more or less options for how you play the game, and difficulty settings to make the game a bit more challenging.

There are major problems, some which may be fixed by patching, such as poor performance, too much freezing, crashing, stuttering, etc, bugs that skip cut-scenes, etc.

My advice is to wait until a patch (or 3) has been released and then get it.  If you liked Oblivion, you will probably be ok/not pissed with a Two Worlds purchase/rental.  Just don’t compare them, they don’t compare.  Oblivion was better by far. (Yes, I’m an Oblivion Fan-boy… bite me).

Part 1: The Good

Two worlds was a good sized game, taking me about 22 hours to beat, including completion of just about every quest I could find (some quests are impossible to do if you do a competing quest).

Unlike Oblivion, I think you can kill anyone, for example, I took out the entire city of Ashos.  As long as you are powerful enough (which shouldn’t be hard to attain) you seem to be free to wipe out the entire world.  I didn’t try to kill a main quest line character, but I did kill other quest givers, the only side effect is that quest or quest line disappeared for me.

The game is pretty. There are fields of grass, forests of bamboo, butterflies, bunnies, grass snakes, etc.  The wilderness environments are in many respects "stunning".  Cities are comparable with Oblivion, maybe a bit prettier.  Characters are quite well done, even better than Oblivion IMO, until they talk, which is why I took out Ashos.  I reloaded after that though.

The customization is kind-of neat.  Your ability to create potions, increase the power of Armor & Weapons, etc is rather encouraging.

Many of the xbox 360 achievements are achievable, some are down right too easy.  This does matter (at least for the 360 port) as many games on the 360 have achievements that are downright next to impossible to attain.  That’s irritating, sure hold back a couple 50 point achievements for being a complete fan-boy and getting 4000 black pearls in Hexic, but make the majority of the achievements accessible.  Two worlds does that for the most part.  There are only a couple achievements that are nigh on impossible ("visit every location!": suicide is more appealing that crawling the country side for that last location… especially since there seems to be a bug where some locations don’t register unless you stand in the right spot!)

Part 2: The Bad

The game is too Easy.  Granted I was playing on easy, but that was because it was the default setting.  Take "Gears of War" as an example.  That on the easiest setting is still hard enough that you die from time to time, especially if you aren’t playing co-op.  I died once in Two Worlds, once, right at the beginning.  I thought "Sweet, this game is going to take actual thought and strategy".  Well, you can still die if you are a complete moron, but if you don’t let yourself get to overwhelmed by the enemy, there is zero chance of death.  Especially later on in the game (see below under Customization & Alchemy).

The dialog is abysmal.  I don’t mean that audio id badly done.  I mean the scripted writing is so bad you want to groan all the time.  Their attempt at old-English is laughable.  The voice acting isn’t the best either, but it is more or less on par with many other games.

Customization & Alchemy = Godhood.  I kid you not.  My character could kill anything in less than five hits, most with one (with one or two "boss" exceptions, though I did kill bosses in a two or three hits too).  The ability to make permanent stat adjustment potions was a mistake in my opinion.  My ending strength was about 220, with a vitality of 250. I had about 30000 hit points, 10000 mana (healing didn’t even touch my mana reserves… it regenerated too fast).  My defense, thanks to adjustment potions that affected my base defense, was such that I could literally stand there and take a beating and only heal every so often.  My weapons were the wrath of god.  My armor was way too powerful.

Mages don’t have a chance.  A tank can own anything, and even an archer can usually hold his own relatively well as compared to a mage.  If you think the games is too easy, like I did, then play a mage.  I tried, gave up it wasn’t necessarily that it is challenging, more just repetitive, when you are using weapons, yes, it is still very repetitive, but at least the battle doesn’t last 10 mimes longer than it needs to…  Fire off your best spells, run.  Fire off best spells, heal & run, drink potions, repeat.  Anyway, I quickly became bored.

There are lots of places where there is just wasted space.  Stuff could be there, more quests, dungeons, baddies, etc.  But there’s nothing, just empty barren land or city blocks, etc.

The game is NOT bigger than oblivion.  The "land area" may be bigger (thought it sure does not feel like it), but when you factor in content, it is barely a quarter of the size.

Part 3: The Ugly

The game freezes, a lot.  Granted, at the time of writing this review, the game had been out only a week or so.  One expects games, these days at least, to freeze once or twice, to have a bug here and there.  The studios seem to let a lot more through now that games can be patched, which is a rant of its own,   but Two Worlds froze on me about a dozen or so times in 22 hours of play.  That’s completely unacceptable.

The game chugs and stutters badly on the 360, I bet it never went over 15-20 frames per second the entire game, and more often than not it probably attained around 10 frames per second on average.  I’m sorry, I’d rather the game look a little less pretty, than have to feel noxious while playing.  The stuttering in some parts was so bad I just about turned it off and gave up.  On a PC I could have dialed down the graphic options, it irritates the crap out of me that the developers don’t include graphic options in the 360 version.

IT IS NOT OPEN ENDED.  Contrary to their propaganda, there is only one path through the game.  Sure, you can ignore the main story line completely (except that if you approach a main character you will trigger an encounter & main story quest.  But you can still ignore that quest.  There is no real good or bad, you can do some things that will make it a bit harder to get "in" with a certain guild.  But that really means wiping out a town or two.   You can be "thrown out" of a guild, but that only means you lose the perks that they award you for doing quests for them.  They still won’t really be aggressive towards you, in fact they will still converse, trade, etc. 

IMO, in order for the game to be considered "open ended" it would have had to have enough content to give the user choices.  True, you can immediately go just about anywhere at any time right from the beginning, but that’s not good enough.  You have to have options for how to complete the game,  joining factions should have consequences (you can join all the factions and nobody cares until the last quest or two).  It just wasn’t good enough IMO to use the words "open ended".

FYI: Your only really test of "good vs. evil" is at the very end. And then it doesn’t matter. When you beat the game you don’t continue playing.  it ends.  In oblivion, you just kept on going, with most people liking you a whole lot more.  Left room for expansion opportunities.

Final Thoughts & Rating

I don’t regret buying Two worlds, and I did enjoy playing it for the most part if I put aside the freezing, the stuttering, the bad dialog, etc.  I’m not sure it was worth $60 though. 

Thank goodness I didn’t get the collectors edition.

I kind-of wish I got Blue dragon.  Luckily, however, I did buy Guitar Hero II for 360, so I had something new to play when Two Worlds froze for the umpteenth time.

Anyway, here’s my ratings for it…

Leave a comment if you have any questions, or insights.  Did you have a different experience?  If you are going to complain that I should have played through on Normal or Hard, then go away.  I played on the default setting.

PS: There are no screen shots because I refuse to hook my 360 through my HTPC to capture them.  I could steal the screen shots, but why bother that are lots of screens out there if you want to see them.

PPS: This was a review of the xbox 360 version, the PC version might have been "Better".

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[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9b-8LYLGq8]

OMFG!

I can’t wait for this to be released.  Man I am so getting the drums & guitar for this (and prolly a mic too cause Rhonda will want to sing). 

The fact that they are using masters for the songs instead of a “house ban” is really cool.  And you can play online via live & have your band-mates all over the world!

*twitch*

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Note: some knowledge of Pen & Paper RPGs is useful.

Site: DM of the Rings

PS: Still working on pulling over all my old posts & trying to get a style I like for this page…  Not used to not having access to the HTML

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• You can skip cut-scenes
• “Best Final Fantasy Ever”, and I’m not just saying that because it is new &different.. read on…
• You can skip cut-scenes
• No whiney, spiky-haired, depressed, loser main character that the story revolves around, you have various characters, most of which have their own stories.. the exception being Penelo.. she’s there for Vaan’s penis.. I’m almost sure of it…
• You can skip cut-scenes (ok, I’m done.. But really.. You know what I mean if you’ve ever played any other FF game…)
• The chicks in FF12 all dress like it’s 50 degrees out (very little clothing, very short shorts, etc.. Hell the rabbit chick is wearing a thong! This is good, because it gives me something to look at while battles are going on & my people are running around the map…
• OMFG the cut-scenes (that you can skip) are BEAUTIFUL!!!! CGI is as good as any I’ve ever seen…
• The story does not suck! Mostly revolves around awar past, present & future.
• Rarely cuts into an annoying narration scene, with horrible wallpaper.. Wtf? (does thisafter you complete a major section of the story), doesn’t really add much.
• More freedom of movement than ever before, and sooner! There are still areas they lock off until you complete storypoints, but still.. I’ve accidentally walked into a zone and been beatendown in a heart-beat.

• Gambits
  • They kick ass!
  • What are they? Well, they allow you to let the game do the obvious parts of the battle. That would be healing, casting recovery magic, stealing, attacking.. Yes, mainly everything.
  • Why is this good? Well, because during the normal battles, it isn’t fun the 500th time you have to cast Cura… or telling your thief to steal at the beginning of every damned fight.. It’s obvious.. The game should do it for me
  • You have control over how you want your characters to fight.. They do similar in other RPGs like the “Tales of …” series, except you don’t have such fined grained control.
  • You can actually say don’t friggin heal until a character’s HP is below 30%!!!
  • You can tell your thief to steal if a enemy’s HP is at 100% (make sure to tell another character to attack that character’s target, otherwise the idiot will keep stealing… again and again…)
  • Gambits can be turned on and off with ease… plus you can interrupt at any time to insert a command such as casting Viagra..oops I mean Firagra on an enemy..
  • As you progress through the game you get better & better gambits.. Allowing more detailed control (ie: if foe == fire venerable, cast {fire spell})
• License Board
  • Both very cool and irritating at the same time
  • Very cool because you can build your characters however you want.. All tanks, 1 tank & 5 healers, support, etc..
  • Irritating because as this VG Cats Comic points out, you need a license to wear a fucking hat.
  • You need a license to wear a hat (I know I already said it, but OMFG..)
  • Can be annoying if you have enough gold to buy a weapon but accidentally spent all you LP in other areas.. Or vice versa.. You have the LP, or the License itself but no money to buy it..
  • A quick glance from afar at a character’s License board will tell you exactly what that character is (Tank, Support, Magic, etc..)
  • Some times you are forced to buy a license for something you don’t want to get to something you go.. (Ie: “poles 2″ to get to “crossbows 3″…)
• Quickenings..
  • Not highlander.
  • They can take ALL of your MP.. If you don’t have the right Licenses, then you can’t gain MP back in the battle except for running around, or using rare ethers.
  • Chaining if you do it right is VERY powerful, and can inflict tens of thousands of HP in damage, but If you are dumb can inflict tens of HP… Ooo!
  • Each character can have up to 3… the first is weak.. The second is more powerful, the 3rd can be very…
  • Each quickening after the first adds on to your MP (2 == 2x MP, 3 == 3xMP)
  • Also called Mist Charges (mist is magic.. Fuck, can’t they just have one term!)
• Espers
  • Pretty.
  • Can be useless.
  • Can be powerful.
  • You only get a few in the main story arc.. The others are hidden.
  • Can also take all of your MP… more powerful espers use more MP (mist charges)… and you can’t get them unless you have enough mist charges…
  • I rarely ever use them.
• The”Field”
  • Pretty.
  • Big, but split into areas.
  • Monsters are visible & wander it, you fight them right there.. Now weird effects that transition you into battle.
  • Battle is instantaneous
• Beasts/enemies
  • Pretty
  • Lots of variety
  • May aggro and aggro-chain if others are nearby… nothing like 15 undead swarming you… can you say horrible rape-death?
  • Will respawn
  • Monsters usually drop loot, not gold.
  • Some are friendly & will even cast nice magic on you or your enemies… I had a beast heal my entire party.. Then cast “Protect” on another mob
  • Beware elementals.
  • Flying beast cannot be hit by swords/spears! YAY! Use bows/magic/etc…
• Loot
  • Dropped from mobs.
  • Main use is to sell for money!
  • This is how you get money (for the most part)
  • If you sell the right combinations (does not have to be at the same time), you can get rare items!
• Weapons/armor/Items/spells/etc
  • You can see the weapons on the characters, but not armor.. Why? (well, we wouldn’t want to hide the furry’s ass now would we? She’s hot for a rabbit!)
  • Different weapon types have different abilities, may strengthen magic/attack/speed. May ignore armor, etc…
  • All controlled by LP & the license board.
  • Spell effects are pretty, but do not involve a cut-scene, the take effect in the battle in real time, even simultaneously!
  • There’s an item for everything… it can get annoying (ie: blind=eye-drops, silence==echo herbs, sleep=alarm clock, etc…)
  • Switching weapons/armor in battle is fast, and can be done all at once, without taking a turn.
• You can skipcut-scenes (ok, I lied.. But I’m done now.. I promise!)

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Thanks Izaak & Fiona for hosting another fun night!!

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$650.00CAD later I get home, set it up, create an Xbox live account and .. wait a sec.. why do i have a profile already? And why are there save games?

That’s right, Wal-Mart accidentally sold me a used console, the one they thought they were giving me had ALSO been sold oops. Now, don’t worry, after I called them, the apologized and immediately accepted responsibility, that there must have been a mistake, when they get a new one in, i can return this used one (which i may keep until that time) for a brand new one I think that is not too bad, though I will ask for something free for my trouble.. hell it costs me $30 every time I go out there (I’m not traveling with a $600, greatly desired, item on the bus, thanks!), so I think I deserver at least a free game or store credit or something.

But hey, I got PGR3 (Project Gotham Racing 3) and it is awesome… My Gamer tag is on the right, message me if you want to kick my ass (I’m the suck at racing games). Now just to wit until Oblivion comes out… I hate waiting …

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Read: Bill Would Hold Game Makers Accountable For Players’ Actions and my other article on this subject: Idiots like this guy should just be taken out & shot.

What I don’t get, is that the courts & law makers are actually listening to these people? Do they not understand how parenting & responsibility works? It’s not up to the game companies to monitor what your children are watching/playing. They’ve already done their part by putting a rating on the box. That rating specified what age group the game is suitable. It works the same a s a movie & the ratings you often see on T.V. shows (usually displayed in the top-left corner of the screen just as a show starts).

I just don’t get how a parent’s ignorance of their children’s habits & what they watch & play makes it the game maker’s responsibility if the child commits a crime. ANY hour of the day you can see violence, sex and other such visual and audio on T.V. Many movies rated PG (such as Charlie’s Angels) have gratuitous violence, should we sue the studio for making the film? or the theatre for showing it? of should we hold the parent responsible when their kids fuck up? That sound like a more intelligent idea. After all, you really are responsible for raising your kids, not the T.V. & especially not the game industry…

My favorite quote from the article is “If you sit up and watch this and play these games over and over again… it seems that this is alright to walk up and hit a police officer over the head with a bat,” Hanson said.. Huh? Are you fucking seroius? This just must be a problem in America, I can’t imagine any Canadain teen being that fucking ignorant…

Get a fucking grip.

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Let me get this straight… the guy (of age) buys two GAMES. Goes home, plays them. Gets pulled over for a DUI & kills 3 officers & blames it on GTA? Ok, in no way is it even theoretically possible for an intelligent (or even dumb-ass) teen to think that it is OK to kill anyone, let alone a police officer or three, just because he played a game it was ok in the game. Hello? Reality? Is it really the game’s fault? or the fault of the parent(s) & society in general? (Or maybe the teen coping out cause he knows he can?). And the families of the victims suing? FUCK-OFF! You can’t seriously think it’s either the game company’s or Wal-Mart’s fault? I mean what about all the violent movies and TV shows where cops get killed? Why isn’t it their fault? Why haven’t more dumb-fucks gone out & killed and blamed it on the media?

Give me a fucking break you in-bread fuck-whits. Pass each other the suicide and do us all a big favour.

*grr*

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